back where i used to be

ok, finally after a longgggg hiatus....
the dictionary in my brain is so rusty i can't really express myself like how i did before. gotta warm up first =)

why do i suddenly have the urge to blog again..
i did intend to retire from blogging forever and sometimes i wanted to come back. but i didn't.
it took me this long for me to finally decide to sign in to my blog and hit the new-post button.
i usually splash out my dissatisfaction, views on things around me and post sweet pics of myself.
then, i felt it is better to upload pics on to facebook. altogether, i stop visiting this site too. all my thoughts are kept to myself.

and there was twitter too. i find it strange that people shout something out in twitter and direct it to fb, instead of just updating one's status on fb. so i abandon twitter. to me, i thought more people would notice what i typed in fb as compared to in twitter.
coz most people are constantly logged in to fb?
it also save me the time by only going to one site = fb =)

so, why am i back to blogging again
to pass the time. until it's 5.30 pm :P
yes, i'm working now. it's a great company. i like the friendly people here. of course, who wouldn't like affable colleagues.
i've been reading story books, magazines and playing games for the pass two weeks. starting this week, i brought my french book to continue where i left off in australia XD

my close colleague also lend me her broadband for me to online. voila, here i am. =D
i couldn't play fb games though. it's too slow. it then occurs to me to blog!!
the free time i have for one more month will led me to change my blog template and design. after all, i'm not wasting any time.

what shall i write in my blog.
maybe i can upload some pictures. pics that i didn't put in fb will be here. hehe
hope to come back again soon, salut!

beach day!!!

batu ferringhi

love

my friend's friend posted this note. she let me read it. wow. nicely said. i guess i want to share it with everyone =)


Love.

Can anyone tell me, what exactly is love?

What is it like? How does it feel like? Do you really feel butterflies in your tummy? Can you, get all the answers on Wikipedia? On a dictionary? Or do you need to experience it to know it?

Can you demonstrate love, by answering demands? By buying expensive gifts?

Neither life nor love requires us to give up our dignity. To me, love is supportive and nurturing, not aggressive or demanding. It is protective, not possessive.
Carol♥Jason says (11:16 PM):
People might say bad things about love, that it is painful, confusing, invasive, and sometimes violent. But if you could just sit down, and search deep into your soul, and you'll know that love expands, gives, and heals.

Can you really love someone, unconditionally, when you know that they have other intentions? Can you really love one person, but still too selfish to commit, so selfish that you are still out there somewhere straying?

We all seek love, because somehow we know love bring us joy. We walk into a relationship when we are in love, but how many of us appreciate the other enough to keep the love?

"I love you enough to let you go, as long as you're happy, I'll be happy."

We can say all we want, but do we really mean it? Love is never selfish, and yet love is never selfless. I can never love someone who doesn't love me and only me, I never will.
"Love is about letting go."

How true is that? In many situations, we let go because we have to, not that we want to. Can you stay in a relationship, if you know you're partner is constantly cheating on you? You can shower your partner with all the love you can give, but what if they don't learn to appreciate you? Can you still love them?

Before we look at someone's eyes and tell them we love them, look in the mirror and ask yourself, are you doing the right thing? Do you really love, or you just pretend you love to get something out of it?

Love is a 50/50 thing. Both party needs to work on it, I can buy you flowers everyday, but remember, I don't owe you flowers.

And before you start pointing fingers, please remember that the world doesn't revolve around you. People don't owe you things, unless you have done something so great to deserve it, or unless, you have met a fool so great, that could love you unconditionally. And with a fool like that, you can start to consider yourself as the luckiest person in the world.
As I try, and try to figure out what love is all about, I'm sinking into confusion.

..........

It’s funny how things can stir up thoughts about you. And it always happens in the strangest places. Here I am, sitting in the garden, staring at the sky, thinking of you. I tried to look for the brightest star tonight, so I could make a wish. And you know, I wish for nothing but to have you here with me.

Memories are a terrible thing, sometimes. They pop up at the worst times, like a ghost on my shoulder. I can be laughing at something on television and then I’ll think of how hard you‘d laugh. What hurts more than knowing you’re not around is that I keep thinking you’re probably somewhere watching the same thing I am but with someone else.

I kept thinking, I keep wishing, that one day, you'd be here with me. My bed is empty, except for me, but I want it filled with another body, your body. An arm draped across my shoulder, two heats mingling underneath the sheets, soft tickling on my neck. Just the comfort and feeling of safety that I have when I was with you.

.............
Everynight, I squirm in bed, looking beyond the distant sky, and I don't know why, but I just can't shake the thought of you, but oh well, not that I want to. So many nights, so many hours, nights that lasted forever, nights that tore into me and ripped out every little hope I have left. I often sit here at night, writing pathetic little notes, paragraph upon paragraph of useless words, all in vain.

Every minute I spent thinking of you, missing you, is nothing but pure torture. It's like an overflowing emptiness, to have you so far away. I need to feel you against me, I want to melt in your embrace. I crave the gentle caress of you lips on my neck, and the way you whisper in my ear, that makes me weak at the knees. I want you so much right now...

I cry, but only in silence, holding my pillow tightly, in my safe arms, from an insecure soul only wanting to let you know, just how much, I miss you.


..................
I made alot of mistakes in my life,
that I sometimes look in the mirror and hated the face I saw.
I apologize if I sounded pathetic,
but think about it,
have you ever felt this way yourself?

quiz about myself

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

teenage pregnancy video

lol. a very short video.

Pictures

My pictures from kindy to secondary.

5 years old

6years old

standard 2

standard 3

standard 4

standard 5

standard 6

form 3

i don't have a class photo for standard 1 :(
while the rest of secondary is colourless in my school magazine.

my soon-to-be hairstyle

I LOVE HER HAIR SO MUCH.
sophia bush's hairstyle in one tree hill, season 5.
i copied hilarie burton's hairstyle 2 years ago.
now i don a modification of hilarie's hair.
and now, i want this hair, shown by this beautiful picture :D