back where i used to be

ok, finally after a longgggg hiatus....
the dictionary in my brain is so rusty i can't really express myself like how i did before. gotta warm up first =)

why do i suddenly have the urge to blog again..
i did intend to retire from blogging forever and sometimes i wanted to come back. but i didn't.
it took me this long for me to finally decide to sign in to my blog and hit the new-post button.
i usually splash out my dissatisfaction, views on things around me and post sweet pics of myself.
then, i felt it is better to upload pics on to facebook. altogether, i stop visiting this site too. all my thoughts are kept to myself.

and there was twitter too. i find it strange that people shout something out in twitter and direct it to fb, instead of just updating one's status on fb. so i abandon twitter. to me, i thought more people would notice what i typed in fb as compared to in twitter.
coz most people are constantly logged in to fb?
it also save me the time by only going to one site = fb =)

so, why am i back to blogging again
to pass the time. until it's 5.30 pm :P
yes, i'm working now. it's a great company. i like the friendly people here. of course, who wouldn't like affable colleagues.
i've been reading story books, magazines and playing games for the pass two weeks. starting this week, i brought my french book to continue where i left off in australia XD

my close colleague also lend me her broadband for me to online. voila, here i am. =D
i couldn't play fb games though. it's too slow. it then occurs to me to blog!!
the free time i have for one more month will led me to change my blog template and design. after all, i'm not wasting any time.

what shall i write in my blog.
maybe i can upload some pictures. pics that i didn't put in fb will be here. hehe
hope to come back again soon, salut!

Long time ago

maybe this should have been written years ago. but better late than never? sigh, late or early also wont do much help.

so i just would like everyone to know.

this uneasy feeling in me has been there for years. :(

dad wrote this letter to the star and the sun. supposed to be anonymous, but who cares. whether u're known or not, ppl still only care for themselves.

i'm happy on the outside, sad on the inside. forever. this is subjective. this is my opinion. so there will be insults and supports. whichever i receive, still dont change a thing. but what i really like to have now is some encouragement. :S

The PSD should award scholarships to SPM High Achievers based solely on excellent academic results, because these deserving candidates are those who have the best academic scores. It has been observed that these excellent students will continue to do well at a higher level, thus making their respective universities proud.

Academic results should be used as the main criteria to award students scholarships, as other methods are subjective and open to abuse.

Just like in school, every year, prizes are given to the top students who excel in their studies, and no one is saying that this system is unfair.

It must be remembered that awarding scholarships to students based on meritocracy is a fairer way.

Giving scholarships other than meritocracy will see many undeserving recipients dropping half-way through their studies and thus wasting tax-payers’ funds money and also depriving the deserving ones a place.

My daughter who obtained straight 9 1As in her 2006 SPM results failed to secure the PSD scholarship. Yet, her classmate who obtained the same results was successful due to the quota system. My daughter’s appeal to PSD and also through the MCA did not help either.

There should be enough scholarships for those who obtained straight 1As because there were less than 800 students who obtained perfect scores (1As) in 2006.

My daughter has been consistent in her studies all the way without attending any tuition. She is also good in her curriculum activities. Her participation in games at district level, national service training and despite the fact that I am also a clerical government servant was not taken into consideration.

She was then given the ‘consolation prize’ (getting a place to do matriculation instead of a scholarship to study overseas), while others have been given both the PSD scholarship and a place in matriculation.

Due to her consistency, discipline and positive attitude (good values which has been taught to her from young), she has not let the disappointment affect her. She is doing very well and has continued to achieve 4.0 CGPA in every semester.

If she had been given a chance to study overseas, competing with the top students from all over the world would bring out the best in her, thus showing her full potential.

But no thanks to the non-transparent selection by PSD, she has now lost the golden opportunity of a lifetime to study abroad.

pose!

my last pic before destroying my hair.

it's nice here, but i know i need to trim my fringe.

so, took a pic in case...

now my hair is just plain ugly. need a few days before it grow back beautifully. haha. hopefully it will be as nice as it was before.

i wanna go to e-gate for a hair-cut. but it's expensive. rm 30 ++++

i can have a nice one for rm10 in prangin mall.

come december, i'll go for another hair cut, this time, it won't be a disaster.

Ouch!

oh, so painful. my forefinger got cut by a razor-sharp blade.

nope, i wasn't trying to fend off michael myers, jason voorhees or freddy krueger,

the ones from halloween, friday the 13th and nightmare on elm street.

my favourite all-time movies.

now there's a remake on friday the 13th.

i thought halloween was released in the states last august. and it's JUST only out in the cinemas here?

...

back to my story...

my poor little finger. :'(

the blood won't stop oooooozing.

this is the blood and my finger.

this is the blood again and my finger after i took off the plaster.

still painful!

it's all in the mind

oh no, i'm confused...somewhat nervous. no, extermely nervous! hahaa. sigh, it's not funny at all. why can't i make up my mind?

i need to improve myself in so many things. i need to be better. there's some dumbness in me. i wish i can be like those ppl. i know who they are. no name mentioning. they're not celebrities. hehe. and i wanna be like them. so powerful, lol, they aren't powerful, i mean they are so confident, and that makes them seem so flawless.

need to be more bold. arrgh, i'm really angry with myself. if they can do it, i can do it too. but i need more time. need to change some personality. but i've been telling myself to do that for so many years already. if only i'm better, then i'll be nearer to my goal! i won't give up, ever. no matter how long it takes. though i'd prefer it now.

i'm unique in some ways. :D proud to have some good qualities-as in attitude, i mean. lol

my main problem now. confusion. damn, if only... my heart won't be racing so fast everytime my worst fears are thrown at me. gotta fix it. i really have to. or i'll suffer. it's torturing. need a good life.

ciao. update next time.

hmmm

what to do? what to do? what to do?

everyone seems to have something to update in their blog. i'm out of stories. i'm out of ideas. i don't have the time. no time to study, no time to online, no time to watch tv, no time to eat, sleep, talk.. nah, just kidding on this one.

i HATE studying. i can't complain. i know everyone hates studying too. i mean, who LOVES it? doing degree is already so stressful, why would anyone wanna continue to masters and phd? my lecturer said she have Permanent Head Damage (PHD). :S always staying up late to do her research. had about 4 hours of sleep daily.

i have no comment. this is completely up to the individual. i know i don't wanna study. going to school is also something i hate. now i'm in uni. gosh, how long more do i have to study?
i wanna laze around all day at home, but i'll get bored. studying is torture. HELP!!!!

since i always study at the last minute, this adds EXTREME pressure. i can't study early. after the lecturer has covered a topic, i'll spend my time at home doing other things, like plop onto the couch to watch tv, go online, reading books (not accounting, economics, maths, business communication, management- that's for sure), or magazines.

i never learnt, to not procrastinate. i hate this word. it's out of my dictionary. sigh. i always told myself after every exam that i'll start studying now, not wait till exams are around the corner. but i never do it. i've always been ME, ME, ME! not a very hardworking person, but want an easy life. that's only in my dreams, i know.

holidays, i'm always looking forward to holidays. those are the only time when i can sleep long hours. if not, i'll go to class feeling sleepy, no mood and no interest in learning.

ok , enough of those moody words. now let's look on the bright side. well, i don't have anything that could cheer anyone up. i need that for myself too.

now, i just want to go shopping. each time i watch a movie and saw the actress wearing some beautiful clothes, i want to go shopping and search for any clothe similar to the one on tv. i'm crazy i think. i dunno. i need to add something to my wardrobe. i have lots of clothes, some i barely touched it after buying it, or wearing it only a few times. coz i like new things, i like to try out new stuff. the old ones are left behind and in the end it gets outdated. everytime there's a new thing, i will replace it with the current one that i have. i can't apply this to everything i have though. i'll go bankcrupt.

hehe, so i'm waiting for Trinie to finish her exams. then we can go shopping again. this time, sabrina has to go. she's promised. hehe.

but my finals are near too. november, that's just 1 and a half month away. i know i won't start studying now. oohhh, somebody help me, wake me up! even if i start now, i can't concentrate, i only can when exams are near. i dunno why. right now, i have 3 more assignments to hand in. one is finished. just need some editing. i can edit one assignment for 6 hours. :S

i can't wait for december. exams will be over. i'll have a one-month holiday. maybe i can go to kl. then i can go shopping. i like kl more than penang. haha. and i'll be idle-ing again. well, i have no worries when i do nothing. also, my brain is resting, no pressure.

even writing this much takes a few hours. but i'm also chatting with my friends, browsing in fb, and fs, and looking at other ppl's blog.

i don't update so often, but my friends just got something to update everyday. i can't follow them. i can only update once a week, once a month...

Frustrated

at last i'm free, but not for long. midterm exams' over, but haven't done assignments yet. not too happy with my answers in the exam questions. *frustrated* but nothing i can do about it.

so this morning, after the last paper, i went home, and catch the US open, Andy Roddick in action. i thought i could watch Andy again playing in the semi-final, this time no book in my hand. but..


urrghh, another frustration, i came home to watch him lose his match. sad sad sad.


now i got no one to support again. have to support roger federer.

HOT DOG

this corgi-looking dog is just so hot a dog. so adorable. look at his legs. so short but cute. when he runs, he looks so funny, and CUTE. all i can say is he is soooo CUTE, CUTE, CUTE!!!!!

i snapped this pic a little too late, he was looking at the camera split second earlier.

what are u doing? just don't pee there, k? hahaa, maybe he's trying to make a nice warm ground as bed.

hehe, i got to stroke his head. so soft. and he's cute!

another pic, how tiny he is. i like his legs. XD

close-up pic

what are u looking at, boy?

trying to escape? haha

sigh, wanna name him, but what nice name for this cutie? anyone? XD

few-days-old puppy

omg, omg, omg, look at that!!!
what an adorable creature!
it's a puppy. first see the world on monday. with it's brothers and sisters.
15 puppies. nah, i didn't count how many. around that figure. lol
sooooo cuteeeee. anyone wanna cuddle it?



close-up. :)



closerrrr. XD



see the size. so tiny. awww, sooooo soooo soooo cute.



hahaa, even cuter. :)

need to start doing something

oh no, why am i so addicted to online-ing. SIGH. i can spend the whole afternoon just sitting in front of my computer. and playing facebook, checking mails, sometimes friendster, but not very often in my blog. hahaa.

my books are still so new and fresh. although bought them more than a week ago. well, at least i did some questions coz the lecturer asked to. if not, i will leave my book to sleep. even printing the lecture notes took me some time, friends all did it quickly. maybe i'm just too lazy. XD

well well, assignments are pouring in. i feel the pressure man. i can't be hardworking. :'(
i like to play everyday. hahaha. i just don't like to study. since small.

please stop the time someone!!! why is the earth revolving so quickly nowadays?
if only ....

ok, ok, first assignment - watch a cartoon. i pick lion king out of finding nemo, ice age and chicken run. coz i like the cartoon, i watch it many times before, i like the songs and i have the dvd!

i hope i won't have any problems with this assignment. just list down what leadership qualities that Simba has. haha. or Nala, or whoever is in that disney cartoon. i don't mind watching it the whole day. i can watch a movie many times if it is enjoyable and entertaining.

i have another harder assignment! damn it. it's IT. and the lecturer asked us to make a ... what is it? haha, i forgot. some budget. using microsoft excel. :'(
i have zero knowledge on that. and the lecturer wants us to perform with excellence.
and in 4 weeks, wants us to hand up that assignment with expert skills.
hehe, i believe i can do it. i know this will be hard for me. BUT NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.
that's what she wants us to say. so i said it.
no problem for me. we'll deliver it!

so for now, i should stop online-ing too much. *come on, start reading ur books*
ish. i have to force myself again to study. :'(

anyway, study smart, and play always. as long as i can perform, i can play however long i want. hahahaha.

I'm a crazy sports fan !!!

yay, i'm happy with the women's french open winner.
though i said differently in my last post.
gonna watch the men's later! =)

whoo-hoo!!!
as predicted, czech and portugal won their matches. =)
today's matches aren't that interesting, well to me maybe..
hmm, but still gonna watch anyway, hehe
only the 12 am match, the 2.45 am is way toooooo late. *yawn*
*screams* can't wait for france and holland's game!!!
can't sleep, can't relax . lol

i'm so bored here that i have nothing to post in my blog.
all just boring stories. sigh
my mood now is one minute happy, one minute sad
i'm in a fairy tale when i'm happy, in reality when i'm sad.
nah, dont wanna talk about it. -.-

predicted!

yay!!!!!!!!
my heart raced by just watching tennis. and it isn't the final yet.
haha. i can't pick a favourite between nadal and djokovic. sometimes i want nadal, the next i want djokovic. :S
eventually, nadal made it into the final. no complain. well played. he deserved to win.
thank goodness federer hit his way into the final.
it's gonna be a nice final match!

women's final. hopefully dinara safina wins :)
i watched her beat maria sharapova, elena dementieva and svetlana kuznetsova.
good fighting spirit. i want that too. lol

after tennis, it's football fever again. ahhhhhhhhhhhh
EURO 2008
ah, if tennis made my heart pound so fast, football is going to give me a heart attack!
i hope there's no need for an ambulance. lol
worse of all, my favourite teams are in the group of DEATH.
why? why? why? :(
france and holland, u've gotta make it to the next round alive.
no mercy on italy and romania. lol

French Open

Robby Ginepri was the first US man to reach the fourth round and the last US man to bite the dust.
Now i'm left with no one to root for.
Heartbreaking news weeks ago when Andy Roddick pulled out of the French Open.
He's not even competing for the Olympics. :(


I'm no fan of Roger Federer. Neither am I of Rafael Nadal.
High possibility that both of them are going to face each other in the final. :)
Only person to stand in their way is Novak Djokovic.
Then i'm gonna support FedEx. I want him to win that elusive French Open title.
GO GO GO!!! ;)



These are some photos of Robby. Cute ;)








Robby Ginepri of the US returns to Chilean player Fernando Gonzalez during their fourth round match at the French Open in Paris. Big-hitting Fernando Gonzalez of Chile matched his best ever Roland Garros performance by defeating Ginepri 7-6 (7/4), 6-3, 6-1.














United States' Robby Ginepri waves as he leaves the court after being defeated by Chili's Fernando Gonzalez during their fourth round match at the French Open tennis tournament in Paris on Monday June 2, 2008.

Disappointed

*flash* what was that? flash from a camera? i don't see anyone holding a cam.
strange. a sudden frightening thought invade my mind.
*shudders* taking long strides now.
*gasps* there it was again. the flash. it was so silent. don't look back. keep moving.
without breaking my stride, i turned the corner and saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks. i stared at it in amazement.

lol. most of it was just me being in another world. i was not walking in a deserted alley or something. i was walking in a completely safe surrounding.

the flash was real though. someone was busy taking photographs. and i did see someone being the model. with pretty make-up, a perfect hairdo, in a beautiful dress, posing like a MODEL.
ahhh. can i be the one in front of the camera????? pls.. so what if i don't have the height.
doesn't need any height requirements. they just gonna capture a picture of u.

thought i could but but but... sigh
first, i need to buy a rm300 estee lauder voucher. in return, i'll receive a goody bag worth rm250 of estee lauder products. the remaining rm50 was for the make-up, hairdressing, and photo shoots.
err, i think that's what i heard.

seems appealing huh? oh, i forgot to mention the main thing. the organiser. the name of this event. so branded that got me attracted to it. hehe
Estee Lauder Model Search.

even the sales promoter asked me to go for it. but but ...
no use talking about it now, it's over :(

well, can i at least get what i want. i seem to be out of luck in everything.
anyway, i don't believe in luck, i don't believe in fate.
i just believe in logic. i'm not superstitious. everything has got a logic explaination.

if i want something to happen, i'll have to make it happen. i can't wait for it. nothing is gonna fall from the sky and onto my hands. that only happens in my dreams. dreams don't come true.
never happen to me yet. ppl only said it when they have fulfilled theirs. what if they don't. they'll have to keep their mouth shut. same as me.
ok, so, i'm not the only one with unfulfilled dreams. but i won't stop till i've got hold of what i want. it might be a little unrealistic. but who cares. it's not for others to judge.
as long as i believe i can make it happen. :(

2 choices

ummmm, communication or accounting?
i'm having trouble deciding my future
first, i hate accounts, hate it since secondary school, but i just kept doing it, i don't enjoy it, but i can do it and score. i dunno, hmm, do i want to end up in this field? and solving the same problems every single day? sounds like a secure future, but who knows...
second, communication, the subjects are interesting, at least i think i'll enjoy reading much more than accounting.
i'm still thinking, accounting is monotonous, what about communication?

sleeping time

it's that time of the day again, nope, it's not christmas, it's time to sleep. after all, i did say DAY, not YEAR. XD
having mix feelings again, sad and somewhat happy. i dunno, maybe i'm only fantasizing.
gonna sleep, sleep, sleep, doze off into a pleasant and hopefully never-ending dream.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

fresh

i just woke up, slept for about 1 hour. a short nap. lol. coz i really can't open my eyes in the afternoon. slept late at night. woke up in the afternoon. however i didn't sleep well. i think too much. XD but i get a good 1-hour rest. i still feel tired when i'm typing this, and i hope i can fall asleep easily tonight. *yawn*

anyway, i'm looking forward to dinner. hehe. i'm cooking my own steak!!!
i never ever thought of buying frozen steak and cooking it at home. it was my brother who tempted me. he chatted with me late last night and told me about it.
so i thought, hey, i'm gonna cook some steak myself too. XD
yummy, oh yeah. XD

=)

Kiko - reminds me of my toy dog. Trinie, i just seen ur blog. haha.
aiyo, i'm so scared. u starting college soon?
sigh, i'm starting next month. AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
means less time to online, and laze around. cannot wait for time to pass slowly too.
*shudders* hope the people there are not like the ones in matrix. hehee. if u know what i mean. wakakaka.
hey, Trinie, thought u wanna post something? already asked for my quotes. XD
about those people's attitude.

soon

no time. no time to update my blog. no time to post photos of me. me and trinie in queensbay. just now. in the afternoon. had a wonderful day together. ;) done silly acts. lol. wait wait. i'll sure post all the pics. be patient ok? i know u had updated ur blog with all the pics, trinie. wait for me. hehee. i'm sleepy. tomorrow will do it. oh, it's already past 12 am. later in the afternoon i mean. *yawn*

blogging

haha, so jealous when i read other's blog. they did it so nice with lotsa pics and stories. i'm gonna do that. go shopping and take lotsa lotsa pics. lol. tomorrow maybe. since going shopping with friends. qb again. nearest to my house. with great stores to window shop too! on my shopping list a handbag. a pretty one. i dunno how i want it to look like. gonna look around and pick the prettiest and of course handy. not too small, not too big. just the right size. of course, pretty too.
what else. wanna buy jeans. and a top. a nice one. sure. ah, yes. now i remember. still haven't bought eyelash curler and the comb. hehe. trinie, if u're reading this, haha, i might buy tomorrow. might. XD. guess what i'm doing now. hahaha. playing dinner dash. trinie, u got me addicted to this game. even though i'm the one who sent u the game, i never touched it until NOW. haha. i played monopoly too. only for a few minutes. hehe. boring. maybe i'll play longer when i'm really free.